


somewhere or other

by narcohypnia



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 21:38:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9626681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narcohypnia/pseuds/narcohypnia
Summary: Siegfried leaves and Lancelot waits.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry lancey

It wasn't the first time he'd left. Lancelot had watched Siegfried's back as he'd gone numerous times in the past. When he was a student, and Siegfried his mentor, Lancelot would help him prepare for whatever missions the King would send him on. He'd wake up at the crack of dawn if he had to, take care of Siegfried's horse while his mentor would don his armor: even this, he knew, was a privilege the man afforded no other. He was happy to be of help, and the idea that Siegfried might never come back from his missions never even crossed his mind. The man was invincible to him. He would leave, come back, train with Lancelot, and Lancelot would help him when he had to leave again. 

With King Josef, Lancelot never even got to see his mentor's back as he left. Sometimes he wonders if he would've helped him, prepared his horse, delivered his supplies, allowed him to escape knowing even then what he'd done.

 

*

 

When he reappears, Lancelot is both ecstatic and devastated, and neither emotions are befitting of the captain he's become (the captain Siegfried  _ raised _ ). He takes his conflict, throws it in a box, labels it "righteous anger" for everyone to see. Inside he feels like a jilted lover, although he had never been anything of the sort with the man, no matter how much he'd wished it.  _ You could've told me _ , he'd used to think at night with fists pressed to eyes as though that could keep the tears at bay.  _ I would've helped you _ , he'd think, and then clench his fists tighter, until he could feel his nails digging into his palms, because that's not what Siegfried would want him to do. Siegfried wanted Lancelot to succeed him. Siegfried trained him to be a great knight, a good captain.  _ (Siegfried left him behind.) _

When he reappears, when everything's done and accounted for and Siegfried's name is cleared, it finally hits him that he's back. Siegfried is back, the dragonslayer, the hero of the kingdom a hundred times over, Lancelot's mentor...he's back, and maybe finally the terrible weight on Lancelot's shoulders can be lifted. (Or, at least, be shared by the two together--)

And then Siegfried is leaving again, and Lancelot is up at the crack of dawn, preparing a horse for him, food and other supplies lying in a bag in the corner. He smiles up at Siegfried, wishes him well. He watches his back as he leaves.

 

(Vane comes to find him after he's missed breakfast, says sorry for not being able to see Siegfried off with him although Lancelot knows Vane didn't intend to come anyway. Vane knows him too well, knows what the ritual had meant for him. He stands, puts on a smile he knows Vane can see right through, and heads out to his duties.)

 

*

 

He wonders who Hagen is, what Hagen knows about him that Lancelot doesn't, who Hagen is to him--

And then he chastises himself for being selfish like this when Siegfried is lying in bed injured, and his mind is an onslaught of relief (at torn cloth, lying to Vane, the sleeping man) and selfish, shallow, pathetic worry ( _ who is he who is he who is he _ ). 

Then Siegfried is awake and it doesn't matter. He calls himself a beast, and Lancelot desperately has to hold himself back from declaring that he'd love him anyway, does love him anyway. As always, he's thankful for Vane's presence. But he's sure Siegfried can hear it in his voice anyway, the pathetic affection that he's held for so long isn't something he can hide from him now that he's sure Siegfried is alive. 

Just when he thinks maybe he can find a way to use this to make Siegfried come back, at least for a little way, say something, anything to make him stay--

But Siegfried is already making his plans with Gran and the rest, and Lancelot's duty is to Feendrache. Siegfried taught him at least that much.

 

*

 

He doesn't expect Siegfried to stay anymore, doesn't hold onto those naive wishes. Instead, he makes the most out of the time they have together. He doesn't leave Siegfried's side at the banquets, constantly asks Siegfried to train with him, brings semi-fabricated work issues to consult Siegfried about. Lancelot is sure that the older man must realize his motives, but he still gives Lancelot his gentle smiles, still answers his questions patiently, still reassures Lancelot that he's grown up into a wonderful captain, _even better than I ever was_.

 

(And still, still, still, Lancelot wants him to stay.)

**Author's Note:**

> originally titled "lancelot is sad," current title stolen from christina rossetti


End file.
